Wednesday, December 5, 2007

My Father

It's early Wednesday morning/Tuesday night, almost 3am to be exact. I feel the need to let out about the entire meeting with my father, but the incredible nature of the what we discussed and what was revealed was so huge that it will take time for me to fully process everything. I think what might make me feel better is if I just go through and summarize/list some main points and things that stood out and then go into more about them later after I've had a chance to process each of them on their own and then together as a whole:

  • My dad is ill. He looked horrible and almost 10 years older than he really is. My father-in-law has about 7 years on him, and he looks in better condition.
  • When I asked him about not paying child support, he claimed he did, but that he paid it to my grandmother instead of my mother because she couldn't be trusted to spend it wisely. meaning she spent most of it on liquor and beer
  • Despite having the same phone number for close to 10 years now, he claims he called and left me a message after he blew off my wedding.
  • When I asked him why he wouldn't take me in when things were at their worst with my mother, he lied about when this was, blamed my mother, and then blamed me.
  • He mentioned that he knew about the darkest evil from my childhood and gave the impression that he knew for years, that someone else in my family knows about it, and that there isn't one evil, but two.
I was more cordial than I expected to be and when he dropped a couple of bombshells on me I was in such shock that I couldn't respond in the manner that was required. I noticed that he really struggles with the events of the past, either forgetting them altogether or having them so warped and out of place that it is difficult to discuss them.

My last post predicted that I thought he would lie, placate, and blame my mother for many of my complaints, and he really did. In many ways it went as I thought, but it went beyond with surprise revelations and I left knowing I wold talk with him again to finish this.

On the plus side my younger brother Michael called me the next day and we had a great conversation. He invited me to a get together, but I declined at this time saying I just wasn't ready for that, and I'm not, but I truly hope this leads to a renewed relationship with him.

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