Sunday, June 14, 2009

Starting with my Dad

If this is your first time visiting, you really need to start reading from the beginning. You can't possibly hope to understand the perspective and motivation for this blog without starting there. You can easily get to the beginning either from the sidebar, or by clicking here. Thanks.

Well to be on the blunt side I am concerned with much of my family, but the least and most of which is my father.

The reason I say he is the least of my concern is that both he and I are going pretty strong in trying to re-establish the whole father son relationship we're missing. The crazy old bastard is back to working road construction, mostly as a driver, but on occasion it seems he does other hard labor jobs. He may pack his ass with meds and pain killers after work to survive it, but that tough old SOB is doing things his way.I truly wish he's stop right now and begin enjoying everything he worked for, but it's not my call to make. It's only out of my love that I'm concern, but I respect him enough to let him Live his life the way he wants.

So anyways, it's really good to be able to talk to him one or more times a week. He and I are both at the mindset that the next step is for him to come out to my home and really meet my wife and finally meet his triplet grandchildren. I know that is important to him, and it is damn sure important to me. What's more is that I think in their own little way it will be important to the kids as well. Regardless of when it happens or how it happens, I expect it to be a good time.

That brings me to the focus of my sister's. My youngest Traci is living in who knows where, other than it is near Peoria Illinois. The only thing I know she is doing is that she is continuing to scam people and institutions out of money. All of a sudden I'm getting debt collector bills and phone calls at my house for incidents that have happened in the last two months!! It's one thing to be 35 and unable to have a grasp on your own life for you and your two kids, but it's another thing to drag me into the games by giving out my address and phone number as if she were still living her. I promise anyone readying this blog that if I should, for whatever reason, decide I need to start scamming people as though I was trying to get a Senate seat or something, I am going to do this on my own!! I just don't understand why she needs to pull me down unto her sad little world.

That brings me to my real mother and trying to come to some final terms about her and her life and what she did to me and my sister. Currently I am in a very angry stage when I think about her. For those of you that are around me (or in regular contact with me), this unresolved anger may explain any short, curt, rude, or withdrawn behavior of late. I am just so full of anger and hate about her and her legacy that I can't keep enough of it in safely or even cry enough out from time to time. It keeps me up late much or the week and has me more in contact with my darker side more than I am comfortable with.

It's bee too long and I think I really needed to start mentally organizing some thoughts before I make more specific posts I appreciate everyone's time that that take to either read and leave a comment (which I read and they are valuable to me) even if I don't get everyone's posted on the blog. They're very important to me, so please keep them coming!!

I will hopefully have more in the next week or possibly days.